Bullying, hate crime, child mental health and lock down

I’m writing this post about my beautiful grand daughter.

To raise awareness of hate crime

Bullying that follows kids home it’s there right in front of you in your home.

Behind a screen a phone a laptop a tablet.

Be aware it happened to us it can happen to you.

We always here about bullying and I suppose everyone has experienced it in one way or another growing up.

Just lately I’ve been unfortunate to discover a completely new level.

I can hear my old mams words echoing “there’s nothing as cruel as kids”

I want to tell her she was dead right.

I have three grown up children .

My eldest granddaughter is mixed race I may be bias but I’m so proud of the way my daughter has raised her.

She’s a good kid, kind and compassionate.

She’s my eyes, I adore her.

She’s at high school 14 tall beautiful, funny and bright .

But over this last year I’ve noticed a change.

It’s been a strange year lock down , living through a pandemic.

My daughter and granddaughter both advised to shield as my daughter has auto immune conditions and my granddaughter Tamika has asthma.

But my gut told me it was more than lockdown our girl had changed.

She and I have always been close .

I asked was everything okay she said it was but I wasn’t convinced.

She was withdrawn.

Eventually we discover she is being bullied by a girl from the other side of town.

Hate crimes a more appropriate expression than bullying .

Because the way she was being hounded was just unforgivable.

The police visited the house spoke to Tamika explained what they could do.

But she didn’t want it to be taken any further.

She later tells us she’s afraid of the repercussions.

It will bring to my daughters door.

The 15 year old girls boyfriend is known for assault

Tamika won’t tell me the girls name all i know is it is Molly.

Please Nan she says leave it.

I’m so upset

We are supposed to protect our kids .

I then discover the girl is posting on tik toc videos of people she hates one of Tamika with photos of her .

Vile insults like

“Your a failed abortion’

Threats to hit her.

Hurt her.

Pictures of her commenting on her size.

3 years ago my beautiful girl attended and performed performance poetry with me and poets on the hill.

She had the confidence to perform to crowds now she holds the neck of her sweat shirt up to cover her face.

She wrote and performed poem called bullying .

How did we get to this?

Today she sent me the screen shots of the messages made .

Put out there on tik toc and messages about Tamika sent to tamikas friend.

Bullying is a hate crime!

But now in this new age of internet it follows you home.

It threatens you on tik toc

On what’s app groups

You can’t escape it.

My daughter managed to speak to Molly’s father .

He was shocked .

Said he would make it stop

But didn’t want to look at the proof the screen shots of the constant abuse that one child and poured onto another.

Making her life unbearable.

I pray he keeps his word.

That this is an end to it.

I disagree with him not facing the evidence of Molly’s actions.

I really don’t think without doing so he can fully understand.

So I’m posting it here .

It has to stop.

Keep an eye on your children in these strange times talk to them .

Love them protect them.

Keep an eye on their phones , social media.

Know what is there on the screen.

Almost a normal kind of day.

So I had to go into town today for an appointment.

It feels like the first day of spring.

Here in Wales the sun is shining.

It’s no coat needed kind of day.

I miss seeing people smile.

Faces behind masks.

Trying to read someone’s eyes .

Everyone two metres away.

It’s necessary I know.

But sad.

I wonder about children born at the begining of lockdown.

Their perspective on the big world around them.As they begin to sit up in their prams.

No one bending over to smile and say hi.

To push a silver coin into chubby baby fists for good luck.

For the children and the sick more than anyone I pray this pandemic to end.

I’ve done what I had to in town.

Before leaving I wondered down to o the beach

First time in a year.

How I’ve missed it.

More than I knew.

The soft lapping of the sea on the sand.

The sun shining mine and my little dog Mavis foot prints in the sand.

The sky is so blue fresh crisp air.A feeling a have not felt for quite some time

Hope….I smile to myself it’s going to be okay.

This will end.

I hope we learn from this.

Learn never to take simple everyday things for granted .

Like seeing a stranger’s face smile.

Passing the time of day with others when we are out for a walk

Freedom of movement .

A simple walk on the beach.❤️

The day Sarah Milligan tried to kill me !

So where to begin.

Have you heard of an app called couch to 5k?

I hadn’t.

Until this morning.

A friend of mine popped up on F.B she had been.feeling down had put on weight through lockdown and needed something to motivate herself.

So I read about couch to 5k

Does what it says on the tin.

I down load the app.

Sit with my cup of tea reading what’s involved.

Intermittent brisk walking 90 seconds

Then 60 second run.

Well not a run to start with a jog.

Hmmm I wonder

I live on a canal path.

It’s straight, quiet, I can do that or at least have a go , says that voice in my head that has all the good ideas that usually end in trouble.

I think of shutting it up with a slice of cake.

Too late as I scroll through the app.a little further there is Sarah Milligan smiling at me.

You see you can choose a celebrity who will cheer you on, telling you when to run, slow down and walk and encourage you to keep going.

Anyone that knows me knows I love Sarah she’s my go too comedian to cheer me up.

Plus we have mutual interest in cakes and kittens.

So I press choose Sarah and she tells me we are first going to go for a brisk five min warm up walk.

Off the sofa and proceed to throw all my shoes out of the shoe box looking for a buried pair of £8.00 trainers from Primark .

Pull on my sweatshirt and I’m standing on the tow path ready to go.

I’m might also tell you I’ve never jogged anywhere apart from to my car when it’s raining.

I’m 55 over weight

Recovering from covid and 3 months ago I had minor heart attack.

This fact crosses my mind I decide to focus on the minor..

I’m taking aspirin it’s fine.

My usual footware is walking boots or wellies it’s a tow path in Wales ..

I press start ..

Are you ready asks Sarah

We are going to walk briskly for 5 mins .

So that we speed up your heart rate but you can still hold a conversation.

I wish I’d brought my dog..

Off I go it’s pretty mild for Jan but the mud is something else .

I briskly walking consentrating on my breath and not falling.

Hoping when Sarah tells me to run no one can see me.

Your doing great she tells me your half way through brisk walk.

What… I puff I’m knackered.

Keep going she says and I do.

Through the tunnel and towards the incline up to the canal bridge.

It’s your first run says Sarah it’s on sixty seconds are you ready?


How is sixty seconds so bloody long when your trying to run wondering where all the flabby slappy bits have come from , not slip in the mud, glance around to ensure no other human can see you AND ALSO REMEMBERING TO BREATHE!

I really am only jogging I’m going to die..

That’s it says Sarah as I slide towards the canal slow down continue to brisk walk for 90 seconds ..

FFS the 90 seconds fly by.

I’m just getting my breath back ..

Your next run says Sarah..

Off i go what the actual f##k am I doing I think the log burners on and there’s a walnut cake in the kitchen ..

Go home ..

Well done say Sarah .

F@@k off I tell her.

I’m listening to a woman with a bigger cake fetish than me who squeezes kittens ..

I’m almost in bloody neath..

Should have definitely brought the dog .

She could have carried a flask of brandy..

Maybe not shes a Chihuahua.

She could have ran for help like lassie..

The only other time a minute lasts this long is when your waiting for washing machine door to open.

Ding ding …

A bell rings in my head phones

Your half way there Sarah tells me well done ..

Get ready for your next run 60 secs you can do it.

F@@k off Sarah if you could see me you’d be bringing me cake a brew and dialing an ambulance .

Emergency which service please?

Ambulance please with tea and cake overweight 55 year old woman with possible tourettes and shit trainers covered in mud swearing at imaginary friend called Sarah muttering about washing machine doors and kittens.

Come Sarah cheers me on.

Can you be in a coma when your still.up right I wonder as one of my boobs escape from my non sporty bra.

There is the tunnel I’m almost back in the street.

I can see the light at the end

Or is it a near death experience either way I’m going home and there will be cake!

An old couple stand to the side of the path as I’m puffing my way through my final brisk walk.

Lovely day he says at least it’s stayed dry…

I’m gripping my phone in my hand as I slip in the mud skidding towards them and the two metre rule goes into the canal .

As I grab the kidding gate looking lovingly at the little terrace of cottages ..

Well done says Sarah

Always have a days rest in-between runs

I’ll see you next time..

Not unless there is cake involved Sarah and your waiting personally at finish line with a kitten.

Kettles on.

No more bright ideas .