Yesterday was my last counseling session! I’m so proud of myself.
I remember on first appointment I almost didn’t attend.
Panic in the car and a list of very good reasons of why not to go.
I’m so glad I did.
What is it with mental health staff and counsellors not accepting help?
We have apaling self care.
Anyway it came at just the right time I was hanging on by my finger nails.
I also have to say that it helps if you get a counselor that you are comfortable with. You know someone that gets you.
I was extremely lucky.
So for a hour every few weeks I would turn up to one of two hospitals.
The first one has a very modern unit lovely seating area water tower and a large T.V
The second one has a cupboard no windows heating on warp 100° and a distinct smell of musty fish fingers.
My first appointment was in the windowless fish ginger room.
I had resolved to be totally honest about everything whilst sitting in the waiting room.
He would either recommended I need sectioning or be able to help me unravel the tight ball of elastic that was sitting in the pit of my stomach.
And so it began
I told him everything.
Everything that mattered.
Everything that hurt.
I told him about the flash backs
Everything all the things that Donna knew about me that no one else did.
I could feel her beside me willing me to talk.
And it was okay.
I knew I had a connection.
I’m sure Donna chose a person that would understand.
The second session then a third I no longer doubted I could fix this
It was like sitting with someone and letting them help untangle a huge knotted ball of string.
When you arrive you have no idea where the end is .
But gradually after putting it down
Resting then untangling a bit more you see easier ways of doing it.
Then yesterday as I sat in the fish finger room for the last time I reflected on how different I felt from the first time.
Im still working on a few things but I can see again. And I know I can do this
Im so very grateful for the man who sits and listens in the very hot window less room
I believe he was the right person to help at the exact right time.
And for that I thank the universe. 🙂
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